changes

eating the emotions

when i finally eat its because something bad has happened. when my anxiety gets to a certain point, basically when im shaking with racing thoughts, thats what pushes me over the edge.. and i binge.

well today was one of those days. i tried purging of course but i acctually was throwing up food from the night before when i binged. i was basically feeling dirtier than while i was shoving food in my body. so i decided to compensate a diffrent way. i went to the gym. im not sure how much this reallly affects my binge intake.. but i needed to feel cleansed and it worked. i spent over an hour in the gym working out. first was cardio. moderate/high incline and a moderate speed alternating to a jogging speed for 40 minutes. then i did 100 crunches and worked my obliques muscles ( the muscles on the side of your abdomain that give you that sexy 'V' shape.) i felt so much better even though i know there is still food inside me.

im fasting tomorrow. complete water fast. i have some metabolism increasing tea that i will use for energy until i get caffine pills.im not even going to eat breakfast with my phsych pills because tomorrow morning i will still not digested all that garbage, so it will be safe to take my meds. im excited.

think thin.

self loathing

i might not say too much in this video but the overall emotion im feeling the whole time is anger. i might not want to say this but im losing this fight against fat. tomorrow is a new day though and im ready to punish myself with 200 crunches before bed.

 

i just wieghed myself before bed and i jumped up to 134. im guessing its from alot of the water im holding in from the huge food intake i had today but it only motivates me to keep my cal intake at 200 tomorrow. im thinking about investing in some laxatives for days like these.

128.6

im so proud.

ive lost two pound! i was confident enough to put up a current picture of me because i have reached the 120's.

Today was such a good day in regards to self control.

Calorie Intake:

1/3 cup cranberries 130

1 once almonds 170

coffecoffeecoffe 30

truvia sweetner 0

i managed to go to the gym today with a coworker and burned 425 calories on the elyptical, worked my abs (HARD), and lifted a little. I burnt off all my intake and then some!

I wieghed myself when i came home and did a little dance when i saw that i had lost the two pounds. im ecstatic!

 The little sign of succes has given me so much motivation.





HW:150

Thank god this is not my current wieght. ive recently lost twenty pounds. even though ive lost i dont want to forget where i started. This picture is where it began and it gives me motivation to keep restricting. i will have a picture of my current wieght up soon.

Today my intake has been

1/3 cranberries

1 ounce almonds

iced coffee

truvia sweetner

im on my way to the gym shortly but plan to waterfast afterwards to get down to 129 by tmro morning. wish me luck:)